Monday, 7 March 2011

Hollywood Boulevard

A few weeks ago I travelled to Los Angeles. I went just for a holiday, just because I could. I met a few cool people, and I saw a few cool things. I went to Disneyland, California Adventure and Universal Studios. Hollywood Boulevard, however, held the most interesting stories, so I'll skip to that part. 

There were many characters, some recognisable, some not. There was Spiderman, and Captain America, there were rappers, or as my good friends Bret and Jermaine call them, RAPists, but I would like to draw your attention to one in particular. He is probably the only man who could get away with grabbing his crotch in public, and he did so on many occasions, at least five times in the five minutes I was there. It seems Michael Jackson is alive and well, he didn't look like his usual self though, but then again, what was his usual look? 

This reminds me, while walking Hollywood Boulevard, I stumbled across Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum. It was hard taking photos of myself with the wax figures, even with my iphone, on which I can see myself, and I bet it was even harder for the lady with a dodgy digital camera that looked like it had been won in one of those claw machines. Before long i was wrangled into taking photos of said lady, which wasn't too bad, because she took my photos for me. It seems that it wasn't this lady's first time to a Madame Tussaud's. I was informed that she travels from her hometown of Brooklyn, NY to all of the Madame Tussaud's Wax Museums in the country, regularly. Not only does she take photos with the wax figures, but she always makes sure that she is doing exactly the same pose as the character. So, it took a while, but the overweight, middle-aged woman finally made it up onto the table and positioned herself, lying down next to Cleopatra. Towards the end, I believe it was George Clooney, who caused this lady to really get excited. I was informed that, along with this lady's ex-husband, she always takes photos of herself grabbing the wax figures' crotches. So who had to take the photo of this woman, performing this indecent act on an unsuspecting wax figure? It was a shock that I am only still recovering from. But I digress.

A few years ago there were rumours going around, about the man behind (or inside to be precise) my beloved Barney the Dinosaur, keeping drugs in, and distributing them from his tail. Well I saw Barney on Hollywood Boulevard, he didn't look like he was up to any good. 

Neither, it seemed, were Elvis and Marilyn Monroe, who offered me an opportunity to take a picture with them, which I took up, "I might as well experience all that Hollywood Boulevard had to offer me" I thought. I was then bailed up for money from Elvis, they lived off tips after all, so I forked out money to him "Oh Marilyn needs some too", and pretty soon I didn't have a lot of money left. So it started me thinking, how easy would it be to make money by wearing a costume in downtown LA? So I went and bought some leather pants, a crocodile skin vest and an Akubra and that night I worked a corner on Hollywood Boulevard...and I made a hell of a lot of money. I did a few things that I'm not proud of, and there are probably some pictures out there that I wouldn't like to get out, but I made a killing.

To be honest I didn't actually do that...but imagine it, ok don't imagine, but consider the idea, how much money could Crocodile Dundee make if Crocodile Dundee could make money, which he can. 

There were many more characters, like that one guy...but that's another story.

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