Lonely Ship

I fear that I will always be 
A lonely ship upon the sea 
On mighty waves I do abide 
The roaring winds will be my guide 

The things that I am searching for 
The things that I wish to adore 
Will not be found in current state 
Nor ever will if at this rate 
I do not hear the distant call 
I do not see the flagships tall 

But even though it doth call me 
To live a life that sets me free 
I choose not to acknowledge it 
That flagships on horizon sit 

“We walk two different paths”, I chide 
But from these voices I must hide 
Must not be found, Must not be free 
For hence the victim I must not be 

For fear of this I run away 
If not, it’s me that I must face 
Acknowledging that all those wrongs 
‘Twas I, not them that dwelt upon 
“Forgive and forget” is what they say 
Yet I’m not obliged at all that way 

For in my mind I still do fight 
For myself and what I hold as right 
While these things may be true 
It seems no matter what I do 
Others don’t know the same as me 
They don’t see things as I do see 

For if they did then they might know 
Of what the things that I do stow 
Open up when I recall 
The terrible storm, the terrible squall 
That plagues my conscience, that plagues my soul 
Of days gone by, pains take their toll 

“Courage”, they say, “Courage my dear” 
“You’ll get through these things, have no fear” 
I begin to believe it, I begin to trust 
In myself, in my strength, in my own cut and thrust 
Yet then I remember my faults and my flaws 
And that sea-monsters fight with their armour and claws 

I’d fight for others, but I’m too distant now 
From port, from starboard, from stern, from bow 
It seems that through no will of my own 
I’m isolated, yet it seems fear hasn’t grown 
To be all alone is what I seem to strive, 
For this shows me that I’m still half alive 

But more than alive is what I want to be 
More than alive, more than the sea 
I search for the things that I know I need more 
I search for the things that I should search for 
What are those things that I know that I need? 
What are those things, where’s the sower and seed? 
But could these ungraciously rebound? 
And turn on me whence they are found? 

The things that are my hearts desire 
The things I know will be my fire 
Could burn me up as they catch sight 
of weakness. They could catch alight 
If I give them any chance to seize 
Upon my own humanities 

But what if all I said was wrong 
In courage did I find belong 
a fire that on what did feed? 
Not weakness, but upon the need 
To fight for what I did believe 
To search for those who called on me 

Instead of isolate, regroup 
To mend and fix, repair the troupe 
In course I may also be restored 
In course I’d find a dock to be moored 
Forevermore leaving the turbulent waters 
That carried us on but could never support us 

If I never take charge of mine own enemy 
I’m sure that I will always be 
A lonely ship upon the sea 
On who else may it be but me? 
I must still play a part in all 
That’s planned for me once curtains fall